A far Better Fate
abluephoenix' blogArchive for quarter life crisis
Quarter Life Crisis
Physiology
The day I turned 28, and the following week, I cried. Don’t get me wrong–I wasn’t upset to be turning this age, and in fact I still feel “too young” for how I want to be perceived much of the time. I’m one of those rare people who looks forward to turning 30. No… this was unbidden, uncontrolled weeping for no discernible reason, and it went on for a while with me being at the mercy of a sudden bout of tears at any second.
My fiancé told me not to worry. He said that a human being changes its physiology every 7 years, causing a bit of inner turmoil, and 4×7=28, so there we were. Explained rationally. Nothing to fear.
But I’m not 50 Yet!
Only now, half a year later, am I starting to realize the full extent of what’s going on in my head (with and without my permission). But, having become aware of the phrase “quarter life crisis, I now have such an ironic outlook on life and culture. What sort of time and place do we live in where you can’t even get through half of your life without a “crisis”? Are we such fragile creatures? Are our minds so far away from working to provide sustenance for our families that we have time to worry about what the “meaning of life” is and whether we’re “doing it right”?
It was easy enough when life was straightforward. For the first 21 or so years I was around, I had a path laid out for me. There were schoolbooks and tests and sports and summer camps. Sure I had to study and do well and learn things-but that was easy. I’m the sort of person who can excel at just about anything if I’m given a little direction and context at the beginning.
Go forth and multiply
It’s this “now go forth and earn thy living in whatever way thou seeist fit” that gets me. It’s one of my glaring flaws that I don’t know which way I seeist fit. It’s led me to “falling into” a few jobs, some aspects of which have been interesting and informative, and some of which have been miserable.
I posted recently about the amazing book, “The Anti 9 to 5 Guide” by Michelle Goodman, and I’ve been reading more of it. I’m thinking that maybe this is a path I can get behind-a direction I can follow and excel at. The scary part is that I spent 4 years and 20K on a college degree (I know… I got of light compared to some), and another 6 years blindly stabbing out at various job titles, roles, and skills.
Top floor, bottom rung of the ladder
I’ve even gotten somewhere, if you want to call it that. I make a decent wage for the area I live in. I have a respectable enough title. I certainly have enough stress to be earning both of those things. So thinking about setting out on a new path, however exciting and fulfilling that may be, is pretty humbling. How do you start at the beginning when you just got to the upper middle? Does that mean you’re throwing away everything else that you’ve done so far?
Writer for Sale
I wonder if any of the skills I’ve gained will carry over to my new career, whatever that may be. I wonder if I can put 5 years of web development project management on my resume to help land a writing gig or sell myself as a professional organizer. Likely not. Likely it will only be the life skills and experience I’ve gained that will help guide and sell, well…. ME.
A wise high school art teacher once watched me struggle with a drawing I was working on that wasn’t quite right. She saw me try to add on a little here, or erase a little there, to make it into what I was seeing in my head. She saw that this wasn’t working. She told me to erase the whole thing and start over. I looked at her, incredulous. Start over? But I had already spent so much time! Surely I could bend it to be what I wanted.
Wise Words
Her answer? You’re not happy with it now. Don’t be afraid to erase it and start fresh. It’s the only way you’ll reach your goal and have a result you’re truly proud of. It was painful… but I did it. And it worked, no less. And you know what? I didn’t miss that “so close to right” draft I had done before. And that draft didn’t get in the way by still being on the paper in front of me.
You know what the other best advice I’ve ever gotten is? This one was from my high school English teacher. He said, “Just deal with it.” Funny how that applies to just about everything hard I’ve ever run into.
3 quarters, 3 crises?
So maybe this is my time to get over my fears and my sadness and my confusion–my “crisis.” Maybe it’s time to erase that not-quite-right picture I’ve drawn for myself and stop thinking I can bend it to something that will make me happy. Maybe erasing and starting over is just the right thing for this.
I wonder if there is a ¾ life crisis out there lurking too – or whether if we make it that far we wise up enough to laugh in its face and get on with life and just deal with it.
A far Better Fate 