A far Better Fate
abluephoenix' blogArchive for michelle goodman
Quarter Life Crisis
Physiology
The day I turned 28, and the following week, I cried. Don’t get me wrong–I wasn’t upset to be turning this age, and in fact I still feel “too young” for how I want to be perceived much of the time. I’m one of those rare people who looks forward to turning 30. No… this was unbidden, uncontrolled weeping for no discernible reason, and it went on for a while with me being at the mercy of a sudden bout of tears at any second.
My fiancé told me not to worry. He said that a human being changes its physiology every 7 years, causing a bit of inner turmoil, and 4×7=28, so there we were. Explained rationally. Nothing to fear.
But I’m not 50 Yet!
Only now, half a year later, am I starting to realize the full extent of what’s going on in my head (with and without my permission). But, having become aware of the phrase “quarter life crisis, I now have such an ironic outlook on life and culture. What sort of time and place do we live in where you can’t even get through half of your life without a “crisis”? Are we such fragile creatures? Are our minds so far away from working to provide sustenance for our families that we have time to worry about what the “meaning of life” is and whether we’re “doing it right”?
It was easy enough when life was straightforward. For the first 21 or so years I was around, I had a path laid out for me. There were schoolbooks and tests and sports and summer camps. Sure I had to study and do well and learn things-but that was easy. I’m the sort of person who can excel at just about anything if I’m given a little direction and context at the beginning.
Go forth and multiply
It’s this “now go forth and earn thy living in whatever way thou seeist fit” that gets me. It’s one of my glaring flaws that I don’t know which way I seeist fit. It’s led me to “falling into” a few jobs, some aspects of which have been interesting and informative, and some of which have been miserable.
I posted recently about the amazing book, “The Anti 9 to 5 Guide” by Michelle Goodman, and I’ve been reading more of it. I’m thinking that maybe this is a path I can get behind-a direction I can follow and excel at. The scary part is that I spent 4 years and 20K on a college degree (I know… I got of light compared to some), and another 6 years blindly stabbing out at various job titles, roles, and skills.
Top floor, bottom rung of the ladder
I’ve even gotten somewhere, if you want to call it that. I make a decent wage for the area I live in. I have a respectable enough title. I certainly have enough stress to be earning both of those things. So thinking about setting out on a new path, however exciting and fulfilling that may be, is pretty humbling. How do you start at the beginning when you just got to the upper middle? Does that mean you’re throwing away everything else that you’ve done so far?
Writer for Sale
I wonder if any of the skills I’ve gained will carry over to my new career, whatever that may be. I wonder if I can put 5 years of web development project management on my resume to help land a writing gig or sell myself as a professional organizer. Likely not. Likely it will only be the life skills and experience I’ve gained that will help guide and sell, well…. ME.
A wise high school art teacher once watched me struggle with a drawing I was working on that wasn’t quite right. She saw me try to add on a little here, or erase a little there, to make it into what I was seeing in my head. She saw that this wasn’t working. She told me to erase the whole thing and start over. I looked at her, incredulous. Start over? But I had already spent so much time! Surely I could bend it to be what I wanted.
Wise Words
Her answer? You’re not happy with it now. Don’t be afraid to erase it and start fresh. It’s the only way you’ll reach your goal and have a result you’re truly proud of. It was painful… but I did it. And it worked, no less. And you know what? I didn’t miss that “so close to right” draft I had done before. And that draft didn’t get in the way by still being on the paper in front of me.
You know what the other best advice I’ve ever gotten is? This one was from my high school English teacher. He said, “Just deal with it.” Funny how that applies to just about everything hard I’ve ever run into.
3 quarters, 3 crises?
So maybe this is my time to get over my fears and my sadness and my confusion–my “crisis.” Maybe it’s time to erase that not-quite-right picture I’ve drawn for myself and stop thinking I can bend it to something that will make me happy. Maybe erasing and starting over is just the right thing for this.
I wonder if there is a ¾ life crisis out there lurking too – or whether if we make it that far we wise up enough to laugh in its face and get on with life and just deal with it.
An Exercise in Career Therapy
Of Friends & Books
My good friend, a creative entrepreneur herself, recently lent me a much-needed (though I didn’t know it at the time) book called “The Anti 9 to 5 Guide – practical career advice for women who think outside the cube,” by Michelle Goodman.
These days I have Wednesdays off from my day job, and have been making a concerted effort to use the extra eight hours in my week to DO something. It’s been tough, but the only way to get motivated is to start something (anything) and then just keep going. This morning my “something” was opening up this book to the first chapter, and reading the hell out of it.
Not only did it have some down to earth advice combined with good, honest humor, it also had some brainstorming exercises to sink my teeth into, digging a little deeper into what exactly IS that other career I’d enjoy waking up in the morning to attend. And I didn’t end up discouraged or overwhelmed like I imagined I might – no, because I got to do exercises and take notes. I’m good at taking notes. I also got to write lists. It’s funny what sorts of things turn you on…
Picking a Direction
I won’t go into detail about Michelle’s tips or exercises (though I do recommend the book already, having not even made it to chapter 2), but I will relate some interesting things I learned by doing one of them.
Part of the problem I’ve had finding “the perfect” career by the ripe old age of 28 has centered around the fact that I have not (unlike some people I have met) known exactly what I want to do since the age of seven. Rather, throughout my college years and those immediately following, I’ve been stumbling somewhat blindly between things I don’t much enjoy and things that I might be passable at after another 4 year educational sabbatical and financial money-sink.
I’ve found a good number of things I never want to do again in my life, and will NEVER enjoy. I’ve also occasionally discovered elements that ring true, and have jumped from lily pad to lily pad chasing them through different job descriptions, titles, and experiences, without much of an overall change in my career-enjoyment status quo.
The first exercise I did this morning at the prompting of this book was to sit down in a comfortable place, close my eyes, and think back – way back. I’m talking 5 years old. I was to think about anything and everything I had ever done since the beginning of memory that I had enjoyed even a little. This included everything from making up characters at the age of 6 and having make-believe conversations between them for hours to copying down and completing algebra equations on graph paper in seventh grade (yes, really…).
Career Therapy
I filled half a page, and then the other half, because I didn’t let myself stop for at least an hour. I went back and pictured myself in all of the places I lived and went to school and had fun over the past two and a half decades, focusing in on each room and each age to find what tidbits I might have forgotten. It was actually rather therapeutic.
It’s interesting when you become a grown human being (by which I mean you have a steady job, an apartment/house, a significant other, possibly some pets, and a reminder note on your monitor to call your mother sometimes), because you think you know what you’re all about. And that shouldn’t be such a huge thing compared to knowing what IT is all about – right?
But when you think back over the years in the level of detail that I did this morning, you realize that this fully formed person you are actually had its start from lots of different directions and influences, and that you may have been different people (in a sense) over the years as you grew up, because that’s what growing up is all about. It’s not so cut and dry after that.
But Will it Make Money?
It’s nice to remember all of the things you’ve done over the years. All of the things you’ve been successful at, and enjoyed, and been rewarded for (internally or externally). Even as you pass over those embarrassing moments of your existence (did I REALLY say “GI Joe underwear” in my sleep at a slumber part when EVERYONE else was still awake?), you remember how much more “well-rounded” there is to your personality.
Sometimes I think we forget this as we struggle through the immediate concerns and opinions of our day to day. I don’t know – maybe it’s just me – but this exercise gave me some perspective.
Regardless, all of this soul-searching and creative thinking and job brainstorming did actually bring up some good stuff. Sure, there’s the things I expected (writing, editing, drawing, design), and some next steps for pursuing them as a career focus. But then there’s things like, “will somebody actually pay a girl like me to help them organize their house full of STUFF they can’t emotionally deal with thinking about?”
What an interesting question…
A far Better Fate 